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Summary[ edit ] Tannen's chapters, which are broken up into short titled sections of two or three s, start by distinguishing what men and women seek from conversations: independence and intimacy respectively. For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport : a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. Men and women both perceive the other gender as the more talkative, and they are both accurate, since studies show men speak more in public settings about public topics while women dominate private conversation within and about relationships. The latter is frequently derided as gossip by both genders, and Tannen devotes an entire chapter to exploring its social functions as a way of connecting speaker and listener to a larger group. Men often dominate conversations in public, even where they know less about a subject than a female interlocutor, because they use conversation to establish status.

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And eventually, everyone moves on. Many readers thanked her for saving their marriages. And no matter what happens, women with male best friends aren't pulling some kind of sexual long con.

So you can't really be annoyed with them The New York Times called it "a refreshing and readable of the complexities of communication between men and women. These patterns, which begin in childhood, mean, for instance, that men are far more likely to interrupt another speaker, and not to take it personally when they are themselves interrupted, while women are more likely to finish each other's sentences.

Summary[ edit ] Tannen's chapters, which are broken up into short titled sections of two or three s, start by distinguishing what men and women seek from conversations: independence and intimacy respectively. Over the course of two years, Scientific American covered one study that claimed that men and women can't be friends because men are disgusting horn-dog monsters, and one study that showed that men and women can be friends.

The emotional fall-out from hooking up with your male BFF and having it not work out burns hotter than a thousand suns, and is more painful than a thousand awkward OkCupid dates. They can't quite agree on what it is — are you trying to get laid?

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But even when nothing sexual has ever happened between you and your male BFF. There are new psychological studies conducted seemingly every year devoted to picking apart the extremely pressing question of whether men and women can be friends, even though they never seem to come to any concrete answers. Half the population can't be friends with each other? Typical friendship stuff.

These patterns have paradoxical effects.

Women are sharing ways their male friends can make them uncomfortable

Maybe you guys could learn to be attracted to each other, the way your grandma keeps telling you. The article explains the man's behavior as a display of dominance, while the book simply suggests the two have different understandings.

But it can be really exhausting to spend so much time correcting people's perceptions and answering their super invasive questions. Soon, they realize they have nothing to worry about.

Is that why everyone mals that you're dating? And even if all that judgment doesn't bother you personally, you still have to deal with the weird hang-ups of your other friends, your family, and even science.

For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. Reception[ edit ] The book was well received by major media outlets. The latter is frequently derided as gossip by both fir, and Tannen devotes an entire chapter to exploring its social functions as a way of connecting speaker and listener to a larger group.

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I'm feamle saying we deserve a medal for dealing with the pressure of everyone's suspicions and expectations and still managing to maintain kick-ass friendships in the process, but No one hears more about how guys are "all animals" than a woman with a male best friend. I don't mean that in some gross, off-putting "I don't get along with other women because I am way too sexxxy" kind of way — most of my friends do happen to be women. Her readable anecdotes support unjustified generalizations that fail to take ethnic differences into.

But for whatever reason, I've typically also had more close male friends than the average lady. In one she uses in both a scholarly article and her book, a man interrupts a joke his wife has begun telling to finish it for her.

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When you're a woman with a male best friend, people think that you're up to something. Men use the language of conflict to create connections, and conversely women can use the language of connection to create conflict.

But often times, they don't. Women, on the other hand, often listen more because they have been socialized to be accommodating. Men and women both perceive the other gender as the more talkative, and they are both accurate, since studies show men speak more in public settings about public topics while women dominate private conversation within and about relationships.

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But this is your best friend we're talking about. Trying to inflate your ego by being the " cool girl "? Here are 34 things only we women with male best friends truly understand.

Trying to do both at the same time? Men often dominate conversations in public, even where they know less about a subject than a female interlocutor, because they use conversation to establish status. And yes, sometimes, male BFFs do end up becoming something more.

You just don't understand -

What are you waiting for?! For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport : a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships Does love have to sweep you off your feet? By Gabrielle Moss Oct.